Well shit, my idea and resolution from last year to blog and be "tech savvy" went straight to the shitter, didn't it? It's not like anyone out there really cares if I'm writing anything down, but I'm sure it would help me be less worrisome about things if I get things off my chest instead of holding them in and wishing I had the nerve to say what I really felt sometimes.(also, how dumb is it that I have a twitter, this thing, a tumblr, and fb?! Good god, am I a character from The Social Network?!)
Needless to say, this year I've at least started on the right foot with my resolutions which were: 1. To do things I want to do regardless if I have someone to do them with 2. Do something that scares me 3. Well I didn't have a third one, but we'll say be more outgoing and to also get into a regular exercise routine. I highly doubt that latter will ever occur, but I am contemplating buying some running shoes and forcing myself to suck it up and do it. I mean I'll only get skinnier and therefore may finally meet someone that is worth my time. (see my sick and twisted logic in this thinking? why does it always have to go back to that, which it ALWAYS does.)
Thus far, here is what I've done to actually hold up my end of the bargain. While waiting for some friends at a local pub, I went in and sat by myself for over an hour, ordered a drink and chatted it up with some randos...I've also gone to a concert at LACMA by myself (and then had a really creepy guy follow me out to the parking garage to ask me out. I wish I captured that moment it all it's hilarity for someone else to share. It was glorious, his voice and look were unreal and not in a good way.) I've also decided it was time I put my prior foreign language knowledge to work and get over my fear of speaking it as well, so I've signed up for beginning French. We try to only speak in French too in class which scares the heck out of me. I should feel a little bit better about where this year is going, right? I mean the past few years have all been pretty terrible so things have to eventually work out in my favor, or so I think at least...
Here's some random things I've been thinking about as of late:
1. Being absolutely terrified of the idea of never getting married, but also being absolutely terrified if I was engaged now and having to settle down without feeling like my life was put together. (Needless to say, I really am dying over the fact that I have multiple friends planning weddings. I think that's what I'm the most jealous of, I just want to plan an amazing party and try on pretty dresses. I'm a selfish bitch.)
2. Of course the age old question of: What am I doing with my life? What is my purpose in the world? Am I ever going to be really happy and successful and all that other adolescent and now young adult bullshit.
3. Why are some people so fucking stupid?
4. When the hell am I going to get an opportunity to move out of California?
Aaaaah,gotta love the uncertainty of an unstable economy and job market. I always wonder how different my life would have been if I would have just stuck it out with the whole campaign situation...would my life be any better or far worse? I mean everything happens for a reason, I know that of course to be true and despite the sludge of stupid boys I've met, idiot bosses, friendships gained and lost, I do see that it ends up alright and of course, it's always better to go with the flow and see what life gives you.
Man, I feel so mature and OLD, really freaking old. Time to go soak my dentures, turn on my heating pad and hit the hay, my 4:30 am wake up call for day 2 of February roll out beckons, yippie.
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