The saddest thing is if I actually was given an apology and a confession, I'd probably accept that because I miss you.

Let's get one thing straight...

First of all yes, this blog is back and yes, oh hell yes...this is about to get real serious, real fast. Here's the thing about my "blogging". Sometimes things are going to be funny. Sometimes they aren't. Here's what you can do...DEAL WITH IT. First of all addressing matter #1 that has been very prevalent in my head the past two weeks: A.) I'd like to apologize to myself and my friends/family for driving you absolutely bonkers of the hypothetical situations I am very good at conjuring up. I have a VERY active thought process and yes, I like to try to exhaust every possible resource. That's just what I do, so SUE me. So thanks for listening and letting me vent, scream, cry, yell, any other exploitative that works in these situations. Much obliged. My brain hurts, I'm sure yours do too. B.) I might be a titch bit naive at times, but in this really messed up world, sometimes I think that's refreshing. Sometimes it works, sometimes (well lately) it doesn't, but let's get one thing straight...I WASN'T BORN YESTERDAY. That's right all you smug little boys or shall I say men children that should at this age be mature, thoughtful and respectful but yes, act like a mere child when anything potentially serious or real comes up. Cause here's the thing you little fuckers...you might think you can pull the wool over this gal's eyes, but you can't. Whether it's intuition or just my simple sleuthing skills, I am one step ahead of you. I am honestly so sick of men children that think they're so clever. Yes, I was naive and let someone's dashing looks and less than average charm sweep me off my feet and distract me from the rest of the things that have been bothering me in life lately. But honestly, can a girl just get a break?! All I wanted right now was for there to be one thing to cross off my list of things I want to change...while I thought crossing "boyfriend" off the list might be the easiest of things to do, I was certainly wrong. C.) Through these past few months I've learned that while someone can go through all the motions of seemingly acting like you're their girlfriend, it takes even more energy than one might think. I'm gonna be real here...I have yet to have a decent boyfriend yet in life and through each experience I'm building the repertoire of what one should come to find if someone is actually decent and worthy of being your boyfriend. (Also...they should be doing all the work. We'll put that out there first.) Through my lack of experience in recent times here's what I've learned from the past few months. (this is gonna get messy...) A potential Jake Gyllenhaal look alike from a potential white trash family in the midwest should not do the following when dating you: Only text you instead of calling. Not compliment you - honestly I'm not asking for fawning every day, but you can't tell me I look nice or you like my outfit? Never have ideas for a date - I seriously have to plan every date? Oh wait, I'm sorry...were you too busy planning all your dates for your secret online dating account you didn't want me to find. Oh, my bad. Hope I gave you good ideas for other girls! Wait forever to kiss you - seriously you wait for the third date and it's just a peck. Oh also wait again...that was MONTHS AGO. Flash forward to present day dating. Oh yes...you only want to "peck" someone goodbye. Either don't date me if you aren't attracted to me, but while I'm not a huge PDA person, I'm also wanting to find a boy in their late 20's that at least seemingly WANTS to show they're attracted to me in public. Never invites you over or barely comes over - again...don't initiate all these hang sessions and keep this going for months if you're going to be a weirdo. After months of dating normal people have physical relationships. Normal people also want to establish relationships too. Normal boys also want to spend time at people's houses to have the following happen, not only hang out in public spaces ALL the time. While you're now showing your true colors as a modern day "player" with your online credo, NEWSFLASH: most online dating players makeout or have sex with girls and then dump them. You honestly are telling me you want to simply just hangout with a girl for months, pay for everything you do with them and then NOT have anything physical happen or not want to say they're your girlfriend. You also don't hang out with someone for months and do all of these things if you're not physically attracted to someone...right? Why does everything you say versus everything else you do contradict one another. Does this make sense? I've lost all of you by this point in the blog now haven't I? OH. MY. GOD. MY. BRAIN. HURTS. Honestly, I could go on forever...because THIS IS WHAT I DO. I know if I wanted to try I could logically figure this out because let's face it Codes, I'm smarter than you. Also, asking my friend out and logging into your dating profile on a daily basis is SOOOO CLASSY. Also, remember when you would send me ALL of the photos previously that you'd instagram. Do you think just because I have a blackberry I wouldn't see them and because we never officially exchanged email, twitter etc that in this modern age I can't easily see that you aren't very original. So go ahead and have all your little friends and whatever little legion of white trash girls from back home comment and like your photos all they want. I always knew they weren't ONLY for me. So what, did you just need my validation that I thought they were neat too? In conclusion. Yes, I thought you were extremely good looking.(I did really let this cloud my judgement.) Yes, I'm disappointed that the one time I thought I met a decent person with whom I had a lot in common with and thought there could be a future with I was extremely wrong. I'm also disappointed that I was finally thinking I could let my guard down and trust someone, but here's the silver lining I suppose...one day, I will and won't get hurt. So until that day comes just know this, I will always be one step ahead of the game and I will always be more clever than you. With this first installation of what's going on in my brain at the conclusion of this year, I bid you adieu.