WHY CAN'T I JUST GET OVER IT?!?!
Well I guess probably because I still have absolutely no clue as to what happened.
FUCK.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
My life as of late...
I will first note and realize that I'm not very good at keeping habits and rituals. Hence why I probably never excercise, take vitamins on a regular basis, write down things, call people, etc etc etc. Because basically my life has resorted as of this past month to me working or sleeping. Thank goodness this past weekend I finally have had some time off and have made the effort to be social because I've become a complete recluse and emo child this past month and I wish I didn't let this happen.
I feel that in the past few months and especially since moving out to LA I've become much more of a mature grown up than what I was prior to living out here. I've been working really hard at being honest with myself, with others, trying new things, being optomistic and doing things I normally wouldn't do. So for the most part things have been really great since I've moved out to LA, which of course has been a surprise considering the fact that this is the last place on earth I've ever wanted to live in.
This past month however, I've just let things really get to me whether its been work issues, personal issues and mostly boy issues. I really wish I could not let stupid things effect me and just be carefree and move on....but it's been really hard lately because while doing all this reflection on my life etc, I realized that there has been an unresolved issue for the past 3 years of my life that still has no resolution, just lots of ups and downs. For almost 5 months there have been a lot of ups, but the downs have been a doozy and now are taking a toll on me emotionally. Why is it when everything else is going right in your life you can let one thing (or rather one person) ruin your whole entire mood and outlook?!
Not only does that ruin your mood, but then it starts to seep into other aspects of life and then you start dwelling, worrying and reading waaaaaaaaay to much into situations that you otherwise might not read into. Not only that, but as of late I have a lot of doubts....I doubt myself, become more and more insecure, feel ugly, stupid and foolish.
UGH. RANT, RANT, RANT. This is what my life has become. I want to stop thinking about this person and I'm sure that some of my friends would love me to stop talking about this person as well. Why can't some people just be honest to others or rather themselves and grow up?! You think by your mid 20s you'd be able to have a normal, healthy relationship...but I guess for some that is much easier said than done.
I feel that in the past few months and especially since moving out to LA I've become much more of a mature grown up than what I was prior to living out here. I've been working really hard at being honest with myself, with others, trying new things, being optomistic and doing things I normally wouldn't do. So for the most part things have been really great since I've moved out to LA, which of course has been a surprise considering the fact that this is the last place on earth I've ever wanted to live in.
This past month however, I've just let things really get to me whether its been work issues, personal issues and mostly boy issues. I really wish I could not let stupid things effect me and just be carefree and move on....but it's been really hard lately because while doing all this reflection on my life etc, I realized that there has been an unresolved issue for the past 3 years of my life that still has no resolution, just lots of ups and downs. For almost 5 months there have been a lot of ups, but the downs have been a doozy and now are taking a toll on me emotionally. Why is it when everything else is going right in your life you can let one thing (or rather one person) ruin your whole entire mood and outlook?!
Not only does that ruin your mood, but then it starts to seep into other aspects of life and then you start dwelling, worrying and reading waaaaaaaaay to much into situations that you otherwise might not read into. Not only that, but as of late I have a lot of doubts....I doubt myself, become more and more insecure, feel ugly, stupid and foolish.
UGH. RANT, RANT, RANT. This is what my life has become. I want to stop thinking about this person and I'm sure that some of my friends would love me to stop talking about this person as well. Why can't some people just be honest to others or rather themselves and grow up?! You think by your mid 20s you'd be able to have a normal, healthy relationship...but I guess for some that is much easier said than done.
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