I need to get outta this rut...

So I've officially decided that I could classify myself in the "British" category for self esteem. British people are categorized as the type of people that always put themselves and their current situations down while talking to others about themselves.

While home for Christmas vacation I can't seem to get myself out of this rut. While running into people I haven't seen in awhile, I hear the word vomit come out of my mouth constantly. Whether it's about me not being in love with California, my job and especially boys, it just doesn't stop. This word vomit as of late especially is getting much worse than it used to be...

Back in LA I get so unhappy and upset at work about current situations that I can feel my blood start to boil and my heart start to race. There are so many days I just want to scream/cry or even just quit. I hate that I've let myself become one of those people that wants to quit. I hate not feeling in control, I hate feeling like I'm stupid and I really hate when I feel like I'm not being recognized for the things I do. I feel like I'm a smart, hard-working, talented and usually rather driven girl. So how have I let myself get in the situation where I'm working for a complete asshole with no education that takes all the credit for the work that other people do? How can I get myself to just take a deep breath and not let the situation bother me?

I guess I just need to do the best I can to make it through each day and reflect on the positives. I have a job, I have people that care about me, I can afford to pay my rent and I have an amazing family to support me even when I have my many panic attacks. I know that if due time I will have a different job, eventually (but not soon enough) I hope to get myself into a city that I want to live in and while the outlook seems bleak, I hope to one day find an amazing individual that will make me completely forget about the boy that broke my heart into a million little pieces.

Until then if there is anyone out there in the universe that has any recommendations as to help me further myself from feeling like shit, I'd love to hear it. I'd also love to figure a way to get myself as far East as possible with the furthest distance being to foggy London town.